The tale of Mr. Snapper

**Raven** · Site Admin Joined: 13 Dec 2007 Posts: 217

Thanks, Anja, for your inspiration to write this true account Smile

Once apon a time, there was a lady with 2 young boys and a mini-ark load of pets. She met a man who was never raised with non-human animals and never dreamed of marriage (except possibly when he was in his dotage, then a young woman could marry him and care for him). This princess and her children and pets met this handsome non-family oriented prince and they, prince and princess, "fell in love". Yikes, but when you fall in love with a princess who's kingdom barks, meows, hisses, slithers, squeaks and squawks.....well, the prince is in for some adjusting!

Some adventures after the marriage found the youngest son coming to his mom, the princess, with an elderly turtle. "Mom, I found this turtle in ....'s back yard and no wants it and can I keep it?" "Oh no!.....Not another PET dilemma!", I said. My hubby has already frowned on all the animals that have ended up, magically, on our doorstep! Also, I did not know what kind of turtle this was and was aware that some turtle/tortoises were/are illegal. (Ooops, I have sadly strayed from the proper "writer's perspective" here!)

When handsome hubby prince came home his response was predictable. He wanted this being to have another home other than ours. I reassured him that I thought, perhaps, that this creature was an endangered desert tortoise and that I would get an ID and find the proper place for it to reside.

Next day.....we (my youngest son and I) go to a pet store. The pet store workers tell us that they think that we have an "endangered" desert tortoise and we'd better get our donkeys(asses) down to division of wildlife resources. That night I tell handsome hubby that we, young son and I, are going to DWR and will be turning the "tortoise" in. All is GOOD.

Next day......I'm in my Bunny J car (red 1987 Honda Prelude) with turtle, young son, and me and we are on our way to DWR for an ID and placement. During the entire trip young son is crying and telling me about how there is a program for people to adopt desert tortoises (he learned about it in school) and certainly I (his mom) could make a habitat for this animal should it prove to be a desert tortoise. LOL!

We get to DNR offices, meet the herp expert and are told that this is NOT a desert tortoise, but is one of the oldest box turtles she'd ever seen. She even called in a couple of other DWR folks to see him. "Oh, crap, " I thought. "Hubby's not going to like this! We are now the proud "owners" of an ancient box turtle!" In the mean time, DWR herp lady asks me if I would be willing to be a standby person for a desert tortoise home. She assures me that she only needs a rare standby, she'll waive the permit fee forever, and she never needs homes (because there are too many educational placements needed)! My son begs me to accept. Well.....I'm kind of a "softy" and I go fill out the paperwork.

Just as I finish the paperwork to be a (never to be needed) "foster parent", a guy in a brown uniform shows up with a box in the DWR herp expert's office. Out of the box comes the saddest looking and big tortoise that could be found! This guy was huge, his shell had been painted in lurid colours, he was in "season" and it was not breeding time, and he was obviously misused! Our DWR herp person talked with the Ranger (bringing the tortoise) then came back in the room with my young son and I. She asked me if I was willing to take this guy(tortoise), because he obviously wouldn't be welcome with his ugly colours in the classroom. Young son begged and begged! Finally I relented!

The next thing you know is that the Ranger from down south say's "If you think that THIS is a big tortoise, wait just a few and I'll show you something better!" He goes to his truck and brings a box with an even bigger tortoise! He lets out said tortoise and the 2 elderly gents face off! My son and I are left with the facing off male tortoises while DWR chats. They come back and tell us that the original tortoise (painted and malnourished) has been seized in a drug raid case and must be kept for "evidence" (wonder what the poor tortoise had to say during testimony), but.......this other tortoise (the biggest and oldest in my state's DWR) needed a home.

O...crap....

My son begs and I relent!

Have you ever tried to fit a big fat tortoise in this model of a honda prelude, on the passenger's side front seat floor? ....in a box? Dream on! With much adjustments, the tortoise finally fit! I visited my husband's jobsite (he was waiting for a report where I could reassure him that a happy home for the herp in question was found! ) Too bad that stressed out tortoises have the biggest fat stinky dang poops that can be imagined! My car reeked. I also had the original box turtle and a "NEW" member of the family!

more adventures later,
Ms. Raven